We were meant to be together.

Of course, we're not together, and we very likely won't be together ever in the future. But just because something does not happen, is it necessarily not meant to be? Seems like an awfully boring and fatalistic way to live, where everything that is meant to be will happen and everything not meant to be will insist on not happening.

Furthermore it leads you into all kinds of other conclusions, like I was meant to have a drug addict for a father and I was meant to be dissatisfied with my career. And on the other side of things, that I was not meant to find peace, that I was not meant to achieve my deeper desires.

No, much better to believe that some things are meant to be but do not happen, while other things are not meant to be but indeed do happen. Like when I mean to go to the store for vegetables and brown rice, but leave with chips and chocolate-covered almonds. Sometimes the universe means to do something but either bungles it or never gets around to it. No one is perfect, not even the universe.

So I don't consider it a contradiction to say we were meant to be together, knowing that we will not be. It was just a misalignment of intention and action. Now I'm left with no partner who is both intended and possible. Since out of necessity I prefer to work purely within the realm of possibility, I'm also forced to search out or create a love which is not intended. To make love out of thin air, where no blueprint existed, no universal outline of connections and progress. In some ways, it's upsetting to believe that purpose and plans exist, but can't or won't be followed.

But in another way it's freeing. The untethered man, abandoned by providence and alone with his thoughts, driven to make his own plans and create his own life. To find his own love or craft a love out of pieces meant for other constructions. I'm not denying that fate exists. I'm just ignoring it and doing something else.